Being There For Your Kids After the Divorce

Your divorce is a tough time not only for you, but also for your innocent children. Your kids were secure and happy in the company of Mom and Dad. Suddenly, they were told that Mom and Dad are “having problems” and, therefore, have to separate. Naturally, your children are shocked, and each child reacts differently to the shock of the parents’ divorce.

Since nearly 50 percent of the marriages in America end in divorce, most children experience the shock of watching their parents separate. The impact of divorce, along with the various changes it entails, is most powerful on the children. However, research studies have revealed the fact that children, just like their respective parents, do recover from the shock of a divorce. Besides, in case of really bad marriages, children are happier after the divorce or separation of the parents.

1. Help Your Child Accept Reality 

For many children, their parents’ divorce is a great loss. They miss being a “real family.” Many of these children live in the false hope that their Mom and Dad will reconcile and start living together again.

Talk to such children gently. Tell you children that while it is alright to have such wishes, they must realize that it is not possible for Mom and Dad to come back together again.

2. Encourage Your Child to Talk 

Don’t allow your child to suppress emotions. Let your child speak freely and honestly. Your child will surely appreciate the fact that you are taking his or her feelings seriously.

3. Help Your Child Feel Better 

Ask your child if there is anything you can do to make him or her feel happier. Remain calm if the child immediately demands to see the absent parent. You can even call your ex spouse and request him or her to talk to the child.

Alternatively, you child might request a new toy, a new pet, a visit to the zoo, or a movie. Do your best to make your child happy. Keep your child engaged in amusing activities that can keep the child’s mind from your recent divorce.

4. Don't Receive Emotional Support from Your Children 

Your older children might be eager to offer emotional support. Appreciate their concern for you, but don’t take the offer. Never use your child’s shoulder to cry on.

At this stage, you must be a pillar of strength to your children, not derive emotional sustenance from them. Your children will learn to be strong when they see the amazing way you are coping with the break up of the family.

If you need emotional support, visit your doctor or therapist. Become part of a support group. You can also visit the church and talk to your religious leader.

5. Observe Your Child Carefully For Behavioral Changes 

Observe your child carefully for signs of depression, hostility, falling grades, substance abuse, attempts to run away from home, and moodiness. Younger children might suddenly begin sucking their thumbs or bedwetting. These are serious behavioral problems, and you must take the help of a therapist to solve them.

As a divorced parent with young children, your responsibility is great. Try your best to make things easier for yourself, your kids, and your ex spouse. You are not alone; help is all around you, and you only have to identify it. Read books on how to parent your child after divorce. Surround yourself with a strong support group of friends. You will soon be able to help your children get back to normal again.