Getting Divorced - How to Inform Your Kids

While caught up in the turmoil of their own divorce, parents can easily forget about its terrible impact on their children. Learning that their parents no longer love each other and are going to break up can shatter a child’s happiness and sense of emotional security. Parents cannot completely undo the damage to these young minds. But they are duty bound at least to reduce the intensity of the shattering impact of their divorce on their children.

Both Parents Must Be Present 

You must inform your child that you are going to get a divorce at the earliest possible. Don’t wait till your child suspects something is wrong. Instead of telling your child about your divorce in the absence of your spouse, it is healthier to involve your spouse.

Inform your child clearly and gently that Mom and Dad are no longer going to live together. You may state your reasons, but keep the painful details out. What is more important is to make it absolutely clear to your child that the divorce is not your child’s fault. The child must know that Mom and Dad are not separating because the child is bad. Tell your kid that the divorce is not his/her fault. Make the child understand that Mom and Dad are going to live apart because they have problems, but that they will always love the child.

Answer Your Child’s Questions Honestly 

Your children will be full of questions. Younger kids will want to know when they will see the absent spouse again. Older children will be more worried about the lifestyle changes the divorce might create.

Be honest with your children. Tell them how their life might change after the divorce. All possible changes, financial or otherwise, that the divorce might create should be made clear to your children.

Don’t overburden them with painful details, but tell them everything they need to know as honestly as possible.

Be Calm 

Children may react with bitter rage. Some of them might burst into tears. Worse still, they may blame you bitterly. They are younger than you; so be calm. For the time being, set aside your own pain and misery and be a pillar of support to them

Don’t blame or bash your spouse before your children. Your relationship with your spouse might be over, but your spouse is still your child’s parent. So refrain from spouse bashing.

Don’t force your child to choose between one of you. Your child is not responsible for your divorce; so, it is not fair on your part to put him/her into an emotional dilemma. Since your child needs both parents, he/she cannot choose between the two of you.

Give your child lots of time to get over the shock. Keep a sharp eye on your child and note any changes in his/her behavior. In extreme cases, your child might need help or counseling.

Never Argue in Front of Children 

If you need to discuss any painful or crucial divorce-related issues with your spouse, don’t do it in front of the children. Go to another room, or leave the house and go to some other place. You can ask a friend or relative to take care of the kids in your absence.

Show more love and affection toward your children during this time. Any relationship break up, including divorce, is a hard reality of life. With the passage of time, your children will learn to understand and accept. However, they need your love and support during this crucial time in your life, and it is up to you to meet their needs.