Understanding The Emotions of a Break Up

The break up agony that people go through is just as diverse as human nature. While some get over it quickly and move on with life, others take it hard and need professional help to get a grip on life again. In spite of the differences in what people go through when they break up, certain basic patterns of break up emotions are the same.

If you liken love to taking drugs, the break up of a love relationship can be likened to its withdrawal symptoms. People who have just had a break up suffer from physical pain, insomnia, depression, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, and suicidal thoughts. If you haven’t recovered even after two months, you had better talk to your therapist.

Immediately after a break up, you will feel sad, hurt, guilty, and miserable. You could even go into temporary depression, in which case you must talk to your doctor. You might cry for hours, hate yourself, and even want to kill yourself. For many, loss of love is equal to loss of life.

First, you should realize that this is normal. Everybody who experiences a break up feels like this. The quickest way to feel better is to understand that you are not the only one. This is not a punishment meted out only for you. Relationships are born and relationships die. And whenever a relationship dies, people suffer. So, if you feel it is happening only to you, understand that it can happen to anybody, and it does.

Here are some common thoughts that might pop into your mind after a break up or after you have been dumped or even after you have dumped someone.

The break up is my fault!

No, it isn’t! Self-blame will get you nowhere, so quit attacking yourself. Blaming oneself is the common mistake people make. Your break up was the result of several things gone wrong. Your partner is equally responsible for it. And anyway, blaming yourself won’t patch up your broken relationship.

What did I do to deserve this? Where did I go wrong?

Break ups usually lower your sense of self-esteem. Such thoughts are a result of it. You did not do anything “wrong”! Break ups don’t happen on the spur of the moment. They have deep roots; one thing leads to the other, and before you know it, your relationship is over. Maybe it was meant to be over. So, thinking thus will get you nowhere.

Oh well! It's all over!

The "all over" feeling is the calm after the storm. Now, you have finally come to terms with your reality. You have finally realized that the relationship is really over and learned to live without it. Several days may pass before you feel like this. Once you feel like this, you are empowered, and the feeling of oppression disappears.

Eventually, people who suffer a break up recover. After the final acceptance, a person usually takes the positive steps to better his or her life. You might retain the delightful moments of your previous relationship and the valuable lessons you learned from it. Better still, you might get back to living and seek a more fruitful relationship.